Thriving Instead of Surviving the Season: Tips for Handling Holiday Tension with Difficult People.
Do you feel drained by interactions with certain people during holiday gatherings?
I don’t know about you, but the holidays are a mixed bag for me. While the holiday season can be filled with celebrations and connection with loved ones, it can also involve frustration, stress and unpleasant interactions. From the opinionated cousin that insists on talking about politics to the consistently cranky uncle, some gatherings have a way of putting our patience to the seasonal test.
Let’s tackle the holiday season together. Being intentional and having a plan will help us remain grounded as we head into these situations with intention and ease.
Here are a few ideas to enhance your holiday interactions and make them more pleasant for everyone involved.
Be Introspective
Instead of getting caught up in how annoying others can be, try turning your attention inward. Think about how you feel and react in different situations because, let’s face it, you’re the only one you have control over.
Take time to figure out who and what sets you off. Does it bother you when people take over conversations, make passive aggressive comments, or sit back and let everyone else do the work? Once you know your triggers, think about how you usually respond in these situations. Do you isolate, defensively argue back, or complain your way through the day?
Dealing with difficult family members during the holidays can be challenging, but sometimes doing the opposite action of what you might instinctively want to do can be the best course of action. Let’s look at some practical examples:
Do you react defensively or argue back?
Opposite Action: Stay calm and listen.
- Instead of defending yourself or arguing, try to stay calm and listen actively. Acknowledge their feelings without necessarily agreeing with them. This can help de-escalate the situation.
Do you take things personally?
Opposite Action: Stay objective and neutral.
- Try to see the situation from an objective standpoint. Understand that their behavior may have more to do with their own issues than with you.
Do you respond immediately to a provocative comment?
Opposite Action: Pause and breathe.
- Take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts before responding. This can help you respond more thoughtfully and avoid escalating the conflict.
Do you isolate yourself?
Opposite Action: Stay involved in group activities.
- Participate in group activities and events. This can help you feel more connected and reduce the likelihood of one-on-one confrontations.
Do you complain to others about the difficult person?
Opposite Action: Speak positively or remain silent.
- Avoid complaining to others, which can spread negativity. Instead, try to speak positively about the person or remain silent if you can’t find something nice to say.
Do you hold on to grudges?
Opposite Action: Practice forgiveness and let go.
- Try to let go of past grudges and approach interactions with a mindset of forgiveness. This can be liberating for you and can improve the overall atmosphere.
Ask yourself, when the holidays are over, what behaviors would you be proud to have displayed with the most challenging people? This awareness will empower you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively in the face of challenging interactions.
Practice Empathy
A favorite phrase of mine is:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
This phrase underscores the importance of empathy and understanding. It reminds us that unkind behavior often stems from hidden pain or struggles. By recognizing this, we can shift our perspective and it will ease the impact other people’s actions have on us.
We can change how we view those who challenge us by practicing empathy and compassion. This mindset acts like an invisible shield, protecting us from absorbing negativity or hurt projected by others. Visualizing this shield helps us maintain internal boundaries while engaging with challenging individuals more compassionately.
By acknowledging that everyone carries their own burdens, we cultivate kindness and understanding. This empowers us to remain unaffected by others’ behavior, especially during the holidays when we want to maintain a cheerful spirit
Be Strategic
Planning emotionally for holiday gatherings can be very helpful, even though it’s something we often overlook. By recognizing our triggers and anticipating possible challenges, we can approach these situations proactively instead of being caught off guard and reacting impulsively. Here are some examples of strategies that can help us take care of ourselves during these events.
- Pray or meditate before the event:
Taking some time to center yourself and practice mindfulness or prayer can help set a positive tone for the holiday gathering and promote inner calmness, making it easier to navigate any stressful situations.
- Don’t play in the adult sandbox:
Engaging in conflicts or power struggles during holiday gatherings can be draining and counterproductive. Instead of playing in the sandbox of arguments or trying to one-up someone, prioritize maintaining a positive atmosphere.
It’s important to remember that winning an argument or proving a point might not bring lasting satisfaction or peace. By choosing not to invest your energy in being right, you create space for more meaningful interactions and enjoyable moments with loved ones.
- Have a job to focus on:
Assign yourself a task or responsibility during the gathering, such as helping with cooking, setting up decorations or checking in on the kids or elderly guests. This provides a sense of purpose and keeps your mind engaged, reducing anxiety or tension.
- Monitor alcohol consumption:
While it’s tempting to indulge in holiday drinks, being mindful of your alcohol intake can prevent situations where emotions or reactions may be heightened, leading to potential conflicts.
- Hang out with the kids:
When conversations or interactions among adults become challenging or tense, spending time playing or interacting with children can offer a refreshing and positive break, redirecting your focus and boosting your mood.
- Have an exit plan:
Having your own vehicle or arranging transportation through services like Uber provides you with the flexibility to leave whenever you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. This way, you can prioritize your well-being and ensure that you have control over your holiday experience.
As a therapist, I often hear stories of conflict, pain, and disappointment following the holiday season, revealing deeper, unresolved issues. The holidays can bring relationship strains and old wounds to the surface. If you’re experiencing this, I encourage you to reach out to me to address the root causes of your distress, so you can move forward without being triggered in similar situations. Let’s work together to find lasting solutions.
Let’s start a conversation!
The most meaningful gift you might receive this holiday season may be the opportunity for personal growth.
Cheers,
